My Light
by Enjie
Summary: Life of L and Light. AU. Friends, Brothers, Lovers. "I can hit you like a brother, console you like a friend and then make out with you Light-kun". I dont think I am willing to give that up.
1. Chapter 1

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>An: I don't own Death Note. Nor any company, brand or product mentioned. Please understand that I do not wish to glorify the Nazis or Hitler. They have been mentioned for the sole purpose of bringing into focus the importance of history as a subject in the plot and in the lives of the characters. No flames regarding this. Thank you.

Chapter 1

11:52 pm 17th June 2010

Sorry, but I want to add one more letter to your pocket.  
>Today is the day I finally told you that you are the most wonderful person in my life. This realization took place during the summer holidays on the 2nd of June; but I am happy that I told you. Today is also the day I walked into the biggest set-up of my life. I have to appreciate your acting skills because my heart rate had increased and so had my temperature.<br>Well, that was because I would never want lose such a wonderful person as you, and thank you for your act of anger towards me, because if you had not done that then I am not sure if I would be able to tell you that you are the best person in my life. When I look back, I guess I have a lot to thank you for...  
>So here it goes:<br>Thank you for talking to me for the first time in our first year of junior high. You really changed my life and also made me smile countless number of times. I have been smiling a lot from 2nd June, due to thinking about you.  
>I have also been thinking about you for 95% of my day. The other 5% includes sleeping and my PSP. There are two reasons why I give you presents. First, you are wonderful and you deserve all the gifts that I can give you. Secondly, I just love your big and cute smile, and gifts make you smile :). I never thought that I would say this but...thank you for rejecting me when I first proposed because we would not exactly be together for such a long time if you had said yes and then it would inevitably lead to our break up and all that hatred...we would have lost something great, we would have lost this chance to be with each other like this. And, thank you for being my bestest (I know that the word doesn't exist) best friend ever<p>

.

P.S Best of luck for the student council elections. Kick their ass! :)

Heil Fuhrer

2:11am 21st June 2010

Technically, Good Morning. I just finished my english article and also switched off the television. Because I will need my complete concentration on this. Now before reading this letter, I want to warn you that this letter may make you cry and I would not want my best friend crying so please do not cry. Okay? You have been warned :) Now let me describe my situation. I seriously need some sleep because I have not had much the night earlier but if I sleep now then I will oversleep and thus miss my bus. I am on one half of my bed with loads of pieces of paper lying on the other half. Most of these date back to our 9th grade. I have always wanted to read all of them again and now that I am completely home alone I am going read them and tell you about each one. The first one I picked up is the circular for the Cultural Eve's Rs500 contribution thing when we were Prefects. I kept this paper because it had your signature on it and there are the rough drafts of the 4 poems that I wrote for you. I would like to quote a few lines which I believe are really true...

"I have so many feelings I just cant express

But without you my life's a mess"

"You are more important to my existence than freedom was to the WWII French Resistance"

"Your smile makes it all the worth while

So let's end this poem with Sieg Heil"

Here is the rough draft of the content of the farewell card I made for you during art class in 9th just before the final exams. It refers to the "crumpled piece of paper" where I had written down your good qualities. It kind of breaks my heart to think that you threw all of the memories attached to those pieces of paper away but I cannot blame you. Your feelings at the moment were completely legitimate (by the way I can hear a cat moaning while mating in a distance). So the farewell card also has a little poem. It is kind of the funny type and it also uses the word "boo-boo."I also see the little piece of paper you gave me saying thank you for helping Sayu. I guess this is the first piece of paper kind of thing you have given to me so I must thank you for giving me this and I must take special care of it .I see the piece of paper where I had written down the show timings for New Moon and also the little paper where you wrote to meet you near the ice cream parlour in GVK at 10am and my favourite part of this is that you wrote "sharp" after 10am :). This is the second paper, I guess. I see the paper where I made a list of the dreams where you were there. I told you about all of them during the tenth Farewell practice. Now I see a paper with "Voui uscire con me" and its pronunciation written on it. Here is another paper where I told you that 1 Enzo Ferrari was equal to 2151.6 PS3s. (there are birds making sounds in the background now). Oh what's this now? Wow...it is a piece of paper which I wrote in the winter holidays but I never told you about it although it stayed in my left pocket for a few days.

From Light to L ~

Since you mention I never gave you any paper, well here's one. When I say you are the single most wonderful person I mean it. I thought a lot about you in these holidays and you know what - 'of-oh' doesn't make me the happiest, you do. Just thinking about you makes me smile my huge grin.

Whenever I get mad at you it is because of drama effect only - just to keep ourselves laughing about it later. With you I can cry, weep, make a mess of myself, share my worst days and best ones too. You say my smile makes you the happiest, well here's one to you. (It's a little extra toothy than mine, I think!)

You make my day and I will always be indebted to you for all your care, concern, friendship and most importantly, yourself. I promise on the Nazi army to always be your friend (It's my honour), to always remember you (as my bestest friend) and yes,

Heil Führer!

1:06am 24th June 2010

Gutten Morgen!

I am fine and hope the same for you. I smell the new Cultural Secretary. :) Yesterday was really fun, all thanks to my big brother. I wanted to thank you for encouraging me to go for the Robocamp Exhibition and you know that I listen to you. By the way, I am feeling kind of weird writing this letter. I do not know the reason though. You must have noticed that I do not write very often. I take big breaks in between my works, that's because whenever I have tried to push myself, my work has deteriorated. I guess this letter is an example of that. I think we are similar in one other case. We both have different disguised meanings behind our words. I think and hope that I am correct but anyways please tell me what you think, bro. This fact sometimes distresses me because I cannot explore all the possible meanings. You once said that I understand you with tears in your eyes..but they weren't unhappy tears more like from...I don't know...relief? Gratitude? But I did not exactly understand about why you said that. I mean what makes you think that a freaky maniac ( I like the sound of these 2 words) like me, can understand a wonderful, caring, kind-hearted guy like you. I am smiling after a long time today and that is because an image of your smile flashed in my mind. I write letters to you because I have some feelings in my mind which I need to pour onto this paper and also because I want to see your big and cute smile. I also want to thank you for that piece of paper which you wrote for me. It means a lot to me. Thank you. You must be bored of listening to this but you are the most wonderful person in my life.

P.S. Thank you for using your precious time to read this crappy letter

A/n: All these letters are from L to Light unless mentioned otherwise

Thank you for your time to read this. Please review. Criticism and suggestions welcome. Please tell me if there is anything that I can do to make this better...this is a special story for me for multiple reasons and this is my first Death Note fic...before writing a proper fic, I am experimenting on how much I can twist and bend them and still keep them in their character...Please bear with me and feel free to point out any mistake I made.

This is Un-betaed at the moment. Anyone want to be my beta? Drop me a review or PM me.

Thanks much,

Enjie.

10-02-12


	2. Chapter 2

Light to L~

**2:00 a.m. 28 June 2010**

Hey L...  
>Okay, I know there is no easy way to break this to you but well, I have some news to share with you that I really don't know how to tell you know. I mean it all happened so suddenly and before I could say anything, it just...I don't know and it is frustrating me L...A lot of things are. This...and well, okay look L, please remember that I will always be your friend okay? Calm down L, don't hyperventilate...I am not dying if that is what you are thinking of. Take a deep breath. You know my father is the chief of NPA right? And how his job requires him to move around? Well...apparently, the police headquarters in Shinjuku requires his assistance and he might have to move there...with his family. L, I am moving away from Tokyo. Please L, try to understand. My father, he is rarely home and he misses us when he is away so he wants my mom go with him, especially now that she is pregnant with their second child and they can't believe me behind. They are saying that with my grades, it wouldn't be a problem transferring...I mean it has only mean a month since classes started and well...this is it I guess...I will miss you L. Best friends forever right? You please take care of yourself.<p>

P.S. I will send my address to you soon okay? 

**11:53pm 29th June 2010**

"I cant tell you what it really is,

I can only tell you what it feels like,

And right now its a steel knife in my wind pipe

I cant breathe"

These lyrics by Eminem describe pretty much about how I feel. This thing about you going away in two months was the biggest shock of my life so far. On my ride home, I was 20% depressed and 80% angry. The truth started getting into my head and this depression increased and it was like 80% depression and 20% anger. And then I cried a little. I usually never cry for people but this was just too sad for me, I mean my best and only friend is going in 2 months.  
>What. The. Hell. I<br>I was completely out of my mind the entire day. I made errors in my math homework (eg.3 times 1 is equal to 6, and I also said "neither of these four" to Watari when he asked me to choose a cake from the platter). From 19th October 2009 my life always revolved around you and I liked it. But now it is like I don't have a sun to orbit. I seriously feel out of place. I have been weird the whole day. I just don't know what to do or think. The happiness which I had when you gave me that bracelet you made was neutralized by this shock. But I do appreciate your gift. Thank you.

P.S. You the most perfect best friend I have always wanted

P.P.S. Uf-oh

Heil Fuhrer 

**12:53am 12 July 2010**

Hey there. A very good morning to you. Now, this letter may not be very interesting but I am writing this anyways. I just made a drink. Its Tropicana with soda...it tastes somewhat...carbonated :) These Monday mornings are becoming a little difficult for me.

I have lots of work and homework and your absence during the weekend, it kills me...The biggest problem with this Sunday night-Monday morning part of the week is that I have lots of time to think and when I think all that comes to my mind is you ...Damn it why cannot I go to school? I want to meet you Light. By the way there are dogs barking in the background. And when I think about expressing my feelings through a letter another problem arises. I do not want to bore you with a very boring letter so I try to control myself until I have something interesting in my mind. Now I do not know what else to tell you. I just wanted to tell you that I really miss you each moment of the day when I am not at school. During the summer vacations, when I was getting a haircut I kind of felt like I heard your voice but I guess it was because I was really really missing you. I do not think I have ever told you this but I think that your voice sounds very kiddishly mature and I find that very cute :).I am a little sad that in a couple of hours Watari is going leave for England but I am mostly happy that in a couple of hours I get to meet you.

You know when you said you were leaving; it wasn't because I am too innocent. It is just that I trust you too much. I figured there was a chance that this was all a prank but I tried to keep my mind open and well, somehow I couldn't think beyond the fact that you were leaving. Most people would say you were cruel to play this prank but I understand. Boredom. Which is what we have in common along with the other things. And well, I can guess where you are coming from. Sometimes we say or do things just to see how people will react to it...it breaks the monotony and the goddamn routine. People, while they bore us to tears, can be pretty entertaining with their predictable reactions. You know Light, with you, I tend to become almost normal...I feel emotions I generally look down upon...I guess that makes me the fool...fancy that...L the Fool. Hahaha...

Heil Fuhrer 

**9:45pm 13th July 2010**

I wanted to see your reactions when you read the letter and today that was made possible thanks to you. The expressions on your face were so good and joy-filled and you smiled and grinned so much, all that made me blush (By the way Watari just mailed to remind me to "eat healthy" and "try not to get sugar poisoning in his absence"...The old geezer...always worrying so much). I thank you for giving me the honour of being able to be the cause of those cute expressions. While studying for Hindi I was imagining you being my actual brother. I was thinking that if I started to feel sleepy then like a good caring brother you would tell me to get up and study properly and if I did not listen to you then you would call me a dog and push me off the bed. Well I do not know if my imagination is correct so tell me what you think You asked me to tell you the things that I like in you so here it is. I am going to start from the outside and then penetrate deeper...that so sounded wrong...oh god...whatever.

First of all you are the best looking guy around. You have lots of features that just put me in a trance...like those deep brown eyes which have the power to melt me...then that big smile, your natural one, not the one you fake around other people to keep up pretences, which just lifts me high in the sky and puts me over the moon.

Well this was about your outer beauty.

But what I actually admire about you is your inner self. I mean you are somebody who is "more than what meets the eye" (Optimus Prime's line)

You are really warm and nice even with the people you do not like and I appreciate that skill. You are always so nice and fun to talk to and be with. You really are caring and considerate but you are "evil" and Satanic at times. You are so good at making me suffer in ways that I could never think of...this contrast in you makes you warm-hearted, caring and full of life...on the inside you are the kind of a person who...umm... In all honesty, I do not know what to say but I think that you are full of surprises.

I admire one thing about you a lot. You have the ability to keep your feelings, emotions and personal life separate from your professional life.

When we go deeper into your mind you are one tough nut to crack. It took me 6 months to convince myself that whatever you say or do is not always what's on your mind. It is really difficult to understand your thoughts at a point of time and I feel like it is a crime mystery for me to solve...the clues are there, I just need to look for them...You are a mystery and I thank you for all of that because I cherish all the moments I spend by your side.

**11:00pm 20th July 2010**

Hey. I was trying to read some literature but I could not concentrate because I had too much to think about. So I thought it is better to pour my emotions into a letter and then study. Congrats again on your appointment as the Cultural Secretary. You are the only person in this school who actually deserves it. I am really happy for you and I was grinning when the principal announced your name. Best of luck (I hope this one also works) for whatever tasks you may have to do as the Cultural Secretary. You will always have my support for any difficulties you may face but I know that you are much more capable than I am in this field and I am pretty sure that you will own this. Oh, by the way you find Mikami cute right? So have fun working with him in the student council. On Saturday you gave me that evil smile when we were on our way home. I found it to be really evil and cute at the same time.

**Added at 7:15pm 21st July 2010**

I am excited about tomorrow not because it is my birthday but because I will get to spend two whole periods playing tennis with you. What I meant by "I do not want a gift from you but if you still want to give me a gift then you can give me yourself" was that I want you to be my best friend and brother forever.

**Added 9:49pm 22nd July 2010**

I guess this was the best birthday of my life because you gave me such a nice and cute card. You know something? That card is the first birthday card of my life and I am happy to know that you are the person who made it for me. You woke up at 4:30 a.m. just for me and made it even though I know for a fact that you Love sleeping..yup, Love with a capital L. That is so very sweet of you. Well your card is like something that I would write for you - plain and simple but made purely by the care and concern we have for each other. So I really like it.

What you made was a masterpiece. So simple and yet so beautiful. It is something that you did solely for the purpose of putting a smile on my face and that is very sweet. The best part is that your card is uniquely designed for my tastes (I like being pampered by you once in a while although I just love pampering you all the time). I really liked that dragon on the day you showed me the tattoo and thus it was so kind of you to remember that and make the dragon on the card :). After reading the card I felt like hugging you real tight and about the gift thing: the pen you gave is one sexy piece of plastic. So thank you for the card and the pen andmost importantly your care and concern. I was seriously heart-broken when you said that you could not play tennis with me and also when you told me that you did almost nothing in the Art Room. I felt like getting angry at you but I could not...not at my first ever friend.

P.S. I wrote this letter with the white pen you gave me :)

Heil Fuhrer

A/N: This has now been beta-ed and replaced.


	3. Chapter 3

**5:15am 28th July 2010**

You know something Light? Today when you hugged me, I had tears in my eyes. Not because you hurt me, quite the contrary if truth be told. I really don't know how to put this, but I resent physical contact. It has something to do with my upbringing but that is a story for another letter at some other time. You were going away for the whole day for a debate competition and then you hugged me. I know I froze, and that that upset you but please don't judge me for that. I am not quite the social person that you are and the hug took me by surprise, considering how badly we fought just the day before. I know what is like to be hurt by the ones we love; it destroys the fabric of our reasoning and emotions take over, which is a weakness but we promised we would be there through thick and thin. I know when you were upset and masked it with aggression; I know I should have seen right through and been there for you. But I am not perfect Light. Please don't expect something from me that I am not and can't be. Not you. When people place their expectations on me, I usually am not bothered enough to care. They are simpletons and to match to their expectations is not only moronic, but a disgrace. But not you Light. Not you. You are the only one who is my equal. So I beg of you not to place me on a pedestal I cannot possibly reach and hurt you. I refuse to hurt you, even though it didn't seem like that yesterday.  
>Light-kun, in your rage, you yelled exasperatedly why we should even fucking bother and why be moral because the world is a rotting place anyways. Your little sister was hurt. Little, eight-year old, innocent Sayu. I agree. The world is rotting away but that is even more reason for us to uphold our integrity and morality. I refuse to let you stoop down to these low-lives. Trust me, Sayu will be fine. She is a Yagami after all. And she has you, Light. She will be alright. But I am worried about you. The strange gleam in your eyes, the raw fury, molten and undisguised, scared me.<br>I have been thinking a lot about your question. Why be moral? Is it to justify our actions to ourselves? Or is it due to social pressure? Or even due to the Divine Command? No...Spiritual reasons...it still comes down to explaining our actions. The spirituality maybe the path but the destination is feeling good about one self, to explain our actions and to ease our guilt. You thought you would be able save your sister if you hurt the person who hurt Sayu. But that is you rationalizing because even you know you are not Justice. I guess we are all moral because we all have some principals we base our actions on. But as per the our perception of the world, only some are outwardly recognised as "moral" as they conform the most to the societies "morals" that are actually just methods to co- exist peacefully.  
>I am sorry. All I am trying to say that hope is a tricky, complicated thing, but sometimes we ought to hold on because that is all we have. We have to be moral and keep hoping. Even if it gets tough. I promised I would be there to comfort you but making you see reason was even more important. I could have easily agreed with you and eased your rage but it is when we are angry that we do not pretend. And even though I was scared, it wasn't for me. It was for you. I am your friend Light, and if the need be, I will protect you from yourself. So I am sorry for yelling back at you, hitting you and not giving the comfort you sought. But some things are more important.<br>I was almost tempted to believe that you saw my reasons when you hugged me but I am not going to be deluded. I knew you disagree with me but that is alright Light-kun. I will be there, always, to remind you of who you are, even if it means you hate me. When you hugged me today, I cried. Because that simple gesture gave me hope. And I intend to hold on it.

Heil Fuhrer

**-Years later, when L did indeed become Justice, he read this letter every night before going to bed. And he shed a tear or two every time.- **

**11:37pm 4th September 2010**

It is been a long time. I hope this brings a smile on your face. I just read the first ever History Text (1) known to exist. I was about to cry thinking about us, happy tears though. Tomorrow is Teacher's Day in India. I would say you are a nice mentor. From an early age I have been a lonely kind of a kid. Friendly but lonely. I can get along with people if I want to but I always felt pretty...insecure may be the right word.

You have mentored me into a better human being. Out of all of the people in the world you are the only one who is capable of making me do anything. And that is because I not only trust you a lot but also because I have learnt through experience that you are very good at giving advice and handling situations. I seriously consider you my role model. According to me you are perfect. You have also helped me with everything, if not physically then mentally and emotionally. You are my only source of ever-lasting strength, self-confidence, happiness and most importantly mental peace. Before meeting you I never knew that I could write stories or poems. It is like I can express myself completely around you. I have never been so open and truthful and comfortable with anybody in this world. You are like a katana. Hard iron on the outside but soft iron on the inside and that is what gives it strength. It takes a little effort to penetrate the hard iron but reaching the soft iron is worth the effort.

P.S. This is the 1st time I am thanking anybody on Teacher's Day.

P.P.S. I hope you rock tomorrow's assembly with your speech. It is truly inspiring.

P.P.P.S. It is raining. This reminds me of the huge smile you have when you feel the little drops of rain.

P.P.P.P.S. This entire mentor thing is completely true but it was partially an excuse for me to give you a history text ;)

Heil Fuhrer 

**12:01am 19th Oct 2010**

Hey, Happy Birthday first of all to the dearest Sayu. It was exceptionally great to know that she is doing better and can begin going to school soon, after her car accident with the drunken driver.

The day I had been waiting for such a long time has finally arrived. Congrats! I am blushing right now. It has finally been a year of 'us.' I wonder what you are doing right now. You must be either sleeping or blushing like me or doing something else. I hope I could hug you right now. As you told me to, I replayed a few moments of this year. I thought about a subtle unordinary thing leading to the most beautiful phenomenon in my life. I thought about our talks about guys when we used to sit together. I thought about your list of the qualities you want in your dream guy and how I do not have any of them. I thought about how fascinating it was to sit beside an artist during art class and see him create masterpieces. I thought about how amazed you were when I got on my knees for you to apologise. I thought about those poems which I wrote in order to see you blush. I thought about how utterly devastated I was when we got separated for our 11th grade and then about how happy I was when a re-shuffling took place.

I thought about the lovely day I could spend with you without any distractions around us. I thought about how dumb I was to not notice your head on my shoulder. I thought about how wonderful it would be if we had kissed that day. I thought about how surprised you were when I proposed you and how long that language class felt when I was waiting for an answer. I thought about my depression when you said no. I thought about that moment when you for the first time said that you like me I thought about how generous and kind you are to forgive me despite all the shit I put you through. I thought about the day I finally realized that you are the perfect one for me. I thought about all of those History Texts (1).I thought about the day I was hugged by you. I thought about the first and simple yet beautiful and meaningful birthday card of my life. I thought about all the little arguments, fights, pranks and pretending- to- be angry incidents that put smiles on our faces.  
>I thought about all the times you have taken care of me as a brother.<p>

I thought about the heavenly touch of your soft hand on mine. I thought about the school trip. I finally thought about the most beautiful and joyful and cute smile I have ever seen. All of this brings me to the conclusion that I am really lucky to have a perfect best friend, a perfect soul mate and a perfect brother. It has seriously been the greatest honour of my life being your best friend. Well it has been one hell of a journey and you are still just as intriguing as you were when we first met.

Heil Fuhrer

-This letter did not reach Light as L read Light's letter first.-

Light to L~

Dear L,

I am sorry it has to be this way. I did not ask for any of this and I am sure neither did you. I write this letter because I lack the courage to know how much I hurt you and how much I am hurting you now. Even if you do not, your eyes will tell me. I am compelled and a coward, so bear with me, one last time.

Where do I begin? Out first conversation when you gave me the artillery presentation making all those goofy finger guns would be a good start or the time we found our common love for mints? Or even the time I pressed an ice pack on your sprained ankle, when I didn't even know you, but I knew then too that I had to help you, because no one else would. That is my rule of life you know? If not me- then who? I do not why I have to do this but I do need to. Consider part of experience.

Experience. May I tell you that I had the best times of my life with you? What has happened up till now in the last few weeks was yet another turning point in our lives and sadly it does not bring us any closer. People have been falsely saying that we have drifted apart and it is true. You have changed and so have I. Why didn't you notice this L? It was so apparent to everyone else.  
>Do you remember the time when we cracked the math equations and the little celebrations that followed? I do, and I am still embarrassed about the little, ah, accident. You are the single most wonderful person in my life and that is saying a lot.<br>L, I wish to keep our memories as happy as we had been with each other and I hope you will be kind enough to ignore me from here on and I will return the favour. Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me.

With my life, and best wishes for your future,  
>Light Yagami.<br>(Why did I just sign my full name? It is weird...)  
>P.S. I hate mints now and I hate you.<p>

A/n  
>1) Referred to as the History Texts as these letters were passed on to each other hidden between the pages of their History textbook.<p>

2) This chapter has now been beta-ed and replaced.

Thank you for reading this. Please review


	4. Chapter 4

A/n: This chapter has been co-authored by YoursForAllOfEternity. She is a fantastic author :) There is a important note at the end of chapter. Please be sure to check it out. Thanks much,

Enjie~

Co-Author: YoursForAllOfEterity

* * *

><p>The cold of the chair makes him shiver. The boy takes a deep breath to calm his heart rate down. The tiny beads of perspiration roll down his head and he shakes his head in a vain effort to rid himself of the moisture making its way down from his forehead to the corner of his eyes and down his cheeks, his thin neck and further down, down the almost translucent and perfectly complexioned skin.<p>

Light Yagami closed his eyes and refused to acknowledge the fact that he had lost. He laid face down against the dirty floor that was untilled and the stone dug sharply into his hollowing cheeks, having lost their rosiness a while back. His cuffed hands limit his physical movements to sitting and sleeping, all in a twenty by twelve feet room. The cold chair, placed strategically across from him is enough reminder of what is to come. The electric chair sends bolts of despair through his famished body. Oh, while L, the greatest detective on Earth, starved him, he could not be accused of the dried throat and chapped dry lips that were Light Yagami's own doing. No, L could not be accused of dehydrating Light. Only of cruelty. Two bottles of water had been placed in his room three days ago when the same odourless white gas had knocked him out. It always happened when the sun from the tiny twenty-five feet high window in his room shone directly in his eyes no matter what position he was in and it would be impossible to escape its glare. That is when the gas was seeped into the room from the tiny holes in the ceiling and walls, sedating him. This is when he received his meals, which had been missing of late, and water and the occasional shower. He didn't know where they took him but the very idea that people had seen him naked and vulnerable brought on fresh beads of perspiration. He scratched his wrists were the handcuffs dug into his wrists painfully, extracting blood alongside the dried blood already present, eyeing the bottles of water placed on the seat of the electric chair. The one place he refused to go near. He licked his dry lips painfully yet the loom of death hanging on his head paralysed his body from walking to his immediate death that was the steel electric chair.

Along with all this, he was tortured, never physically though. It was always the mental games that L played. Hadn't they done this before? The constant bantering, the highly strung tension in their muscles, poisonous words thinly veiled by charming smiles and cakes. But there was something different about it then…it was effortless, it was amusing and enjoyable to converse with a person who understood you after years of solitude but the stark contrast between then and now was that Light had been L's equal. Now L played the games and Light did not even know the rules, leaving him vulnerable…and out of control.

The static just before the synthetic voice came on, brought his attention back. His eyesight was swimming and was spotted with white. The lone light bulb in his room was too bright, the room too white and the electric chair looming in his line of vision. The constant pounding in head was if someone was hammering in his head inside out in tune with his slowed heartbeat. So he scratched himself to divert the pain in his head to something that was tangible. The synthetic voice had begun speaking and Light could not help but wince at the loudness even though he knew it was all in head.

"Kira" the voice called. Light opened his one eye and promptly shut it back at the brightness. But he knew the detective behind the one way glass knew he had Light's attention.

"Stop scratching yourself at once" Just to spite the detective, Light scratched himself harder, drawing blood in steady and thin streams now. Wrong move. Immediately the gas was seeped into his room and while he trashed around, he was defenceless against the fumes of the gas. He stopped breathing, refusing to breathe in the fouled air but it never worked and before he knew it, blackness was consuming him till he saw a hunched standing in the doorway of his now open prison cell. The mask concealed the face though and all Light could think of was how odd the hunched figure was before he promptly passed out into oblivion.

Light woke up in the same room. His wrists had been tightly bandaged and Light examined his nails. They had been filed down to the tips of his fingers and were so blunt that they would be useless to scratch anything with it. Anger bubbled to the surface. Dammit. Light Yagami _hated not _being in pulled his wrists against the cuffs, the metal unyielding to his demands. He continued to pull against his restraints, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. He would prove it to L that he was always in control. He never lost.

People had always thought of Light as caring. He isn't. He could care less about them. The only reason people were under their mistaken belief that he cared about their happiness was because he was good at predicting them. It always about control and manipulation. A slight push here and a pull there and people danced to his tunes. It was oh so easy to read their emotions and things that weren't said were carelessly hidden under thin layers of lies. And he gave them what they wanted. No not because he cared...No. it was about control. So he yanked his chains, famished and dehydrated, just to prove to L he was still in control of his own actions. He knew that L had evidence against him, and he could face his death penalty as when L desired, his life becoming a toy to L's whims. Yet, as long as he was alive, he would not lose.

He yelped as the sharp pain in his left wrist travelled upward and he cried out indignantly. He had definitely broken it. L's voice had frantically been trying to ask him to stop so he pulled harder, ignoring the pain that felt as if he was being cut into half slowly and painfully. The metal made clanking noises from the harsh and rapid movement and the door to his cell opened, a burly officer standing in the doorway. Light examined him, and dismissed the possibility that he is L. He was overweight and carried shameful magazine rolled up in his front pocket. He had a rifle in his hands, as if approaching a dangerous criminal, which Light supposed he was in the eyes of these stupid people who could never understand the God. He wore a mask to cover his face and how Light wished he had his death note with him. He would kill them all. The man made his way towards him and all Light saw before he blacked out was the butt of rifle making a sickening impact on his temple.

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><p>L sat with his knees tucked under his chin, hands cupping his knees on the chair beside the hospital bed, obsidian eyes watching the sleeping Light. He tentatively reached a spidery hand forward and brushed the soft locks away from the closed eyes. The hand trailed downward towards the chocolate colored eyes that had shed so many tears in the last few weeks, down the nose and over the dry yet soft lips, parted slightly. L let his hand hover the lips, feeling the shallow breath come on to his finger tips and L closed his eyes, relishing the feel of cool air. He cupped the hollowing cheeks and stroked his hands from the temple to the jaw. Trailing his hands down now in bold movements, from the shoulder to the injured wrists, L held them in both of his hands, and buried his nose in the crook between the wrists. He turned his head sideways, resting his cheek over the bandage and inhaled deeply, the rough fabric coarse against his pale skin. He kissed the wrist slowly, a butterfly kiss, and exhaled over them. He had come close to losing Light once again and L didn't know what he would do without the brunette. Even though Light was too far gone as Kira that he forgot his childhood, forgot L, the detective never did. Underneath all that malice and hatred, he knew somewhere the old Light was present and he was determined to bring him out, even though it hurt him. He had promised to save Light, and he intended to keep it. He straightened into his chair again and extracted the letters he had kept safe over the years and placed them on the table near the bed. The names had been crossed out, and rendered unreadable. L got up and walked away from his first and only friend, closing the door behind him. For the moment Light was safe.<p>

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><p>An: Please take some time out and visit my profile, there is a poll that I have set up. Please be sure to vote. It's important~!

Please review?


	5. Chapter 5

November 14 2010 21:37 p.m.  
>Hey L,<br>How are you? I am fine here and I just wanted to tell you that I am very sorry. The last History Text I wrote, I didn't mean that. I hope you know that. At that time, I was lost, and I was angry and I was scared. I would never admit to that to anyone but you. Sayu, my father getting transferred to Osaka, the possibility of losing you…Please forgive me L…I thought if I pushed you away hard enough, I would be able to let you go…if you hated me, it would be easier to forget that I loved you…but you never once let go of me, you held on no matter how hard I hit you or hurt you…you were always there, looking at me with those eyes of yours, pulling me into obsidian bliss where I could forget my own darkness, if only for a moment… You are my light L. (Ironic isn't it?) But I guess are very existence in each other's life is ironic; I push, you pull me back with equal force. I am the darkness and you are the light our world. I hit you, you kiss me…why L? Why? Why do you make this so hard for me? I am evil L, I hit the guy who hurt Sayu, and you only held me in your arms. You should have yelled at me, screamed at me…the way Sayu did. I think she is afraid of me now, seeing her calm and composed brother angry like that... Though I would never hurt Sayu. But I think she sees me better than you do I think…or maybe not, I can never really tell with you. When I wanted to hurt the man, you held me back; I pushed you away and when I did hit him, you took me in your arms and told me I had probably saved more people by hitting him. I wonder why you did that but that is just another one of things about you… No matter how much I try to unravel the man behind L, the deeper I fall and I can't get back up. And what scares me the most is that I have come to need things like love and challenge. But I don't want to talk about it. I am leaving it up to you to figure me out.  
>All I want to say is this, I am leaving, L. And I will be back in the December holidays though…I hope to see you then.<br>I think I will be back by the seventeenth of January

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><p>8:10pm 30th December 2010<br>Hey, Light, it has been a long time since I have written one of these. But I guess I will not be able to write too many history texts now that my day to leave is closing in (I have tears in my eyes...kind of surprising though…)  
>By the way this is the first thing that I have started to dread before it has actually happened. Usually I realize things and am sad after they happen. You know, it's only while writing History Texts that I have the clearest possible flow of thoughts. It feels as though these History Tests write itself. But I guess I need lubricants like Nutella and Nestle Milkmaid once in a while. Well I wonder how things are with you and Sayu. I am excited to hear about it on the third of December. There are a lot of chances that I may not be coming back to Tokyo. I really wish I didn't have to go. Sorry for writing in such unconnected sentences but I am sad thinking about all this. Well Merry Christmas Light-kun. These holidays seem pretty long you know. I look at the calendar and realize that just one day has passed since I last looked at it. I miss you so much. Not a day passes by when I do not wish that you magically walked into my room through the door. Whenever I watch some nice action scenes of a movie or those shows about sexy weapons on Discovery Science I look at the other side of the bed and start thinking about what your reaction would be to that particular weapon. I just wish so bad that you were there beside me. Crap...I am getting emotional. I looked at your pic from the bus during the excursion (your ex-profile picture) and I started missing the waterfall so much. It is so lovely and beautiful. All those layers and curves and sharp edges and curls and the way it comes under your ear, just thinking about it makes my heart beat faster. I just love it you know. I miss the way your big gorgeous eyes look at me in the mornings and during classes. And I am glad to know that you like the "hi-s" too :). Hey, thanks a lot for that list. It is very sweet. That seal you put on it just added a nice essence to it. I would never be able to even think about something like that. I miss the curve of those rosy lips making up your cute smile. (I kind of feel like kissing you now)You know something? I have never been able to get a perfect mental image of your smile when you are not around. It's like whenever you smile I am just so elated that I cannot capture an image. (I need a pic of you smiling then; before I leave). There are a few days when you say "Hey ya" it is really cute you know. It rings in my head sometimes when I miss you (and brings a smile on my face). I just keep thinking about the excursion and the day of career counselling so much nowadays. I tried not to but I guess I wrote a letter pretty close to the one you are going to get on farewell. Sorry.<br>P.S. I love you  
>P.P.S. I miss you so very much<p>

Heil Fuhrer

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><p>1:02am 31st December 2010<p>

Hey Light,  
>This is really tough. I miss you so much. I feel really sad that I have to wait for so many more days to see you again when you return from Osaka. I guess this is the second time I cracked. Well I just kept staring at your picture (the only one I have of you).That's all I can do for the moment. I have wanted to tell you this for a while. I like your nose. It has a perfect shape and is slightly curved at the end which makes it cute. (I hope I could kiss it again) I might sound very weird right now but I am being completely honest about how I feel. I just keep thinking about what is going happen after I leave. I love seeing you. I love talking to you. I love sitting next to you. I love listening to you about your life. I love telling you about my life. I love the comfortable silence. I love those looks we share during classes. I love the expressions we share when we see cute guys. I love to have somebody I can give Polo to. I love walking with you during dispersal (Did you know, it's usually my favourite time of the day because there is nobody around and our minds are kind of relaxed and it is like just you and I for a time. How things go during dispersal sets my mood for the rest of my day). I love being a part of your life. I love catching the tiffin box when you throw it. I love knowing that my best friendbrother is the sweetest, most caring and wonderful person that God could create. I love feeling your heavenly touches. I love being slapped or hit on the arm (only by you of course). I love knowing that you will always look out for me and help me out whenever necessary. I love writing history texts. And I love you of course. I do not want lose the things I love. But why do things have to end in Farewells and Tokyo. Heck(ler)! I just cannot stop my eyes from being moist. I really do not know what else to say. I think you can read the feeling behind these words.  
>P.S. My phones battery is low. I have seen it go down from 7 to 3 bars. It feels like it symbolizes the time left before farewell.<p>

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><p>1:01am 2nd January 2011<p>

Hey, Happy New Year, Light. Well, in the last History Texts I got too emotional. Second emotional crackdown in less than 2 months of the first one I had. You know those two days I so badly wanted to talk to you. And then when you called it was as though that the Goddess can read my mind. Well it was really nice talking to you. Thank you, Light-kun for calling. You probably saved me from some more sadness. When I first saw "LY" flashing on my phone screen I was like 'shit man this isn't happening. Am I still asleep or something?'  
>So there is good news huh? I am curious. I hope you are going to share it with me soon. But I wondered for about ten minutes flat about what this might be about. But all my percentages are going haphazard. Guess this is revenge for those times I have left you with mysteries.<br>You know yesterday when I half woke up, the first sentence that came to my head was "What if our lips had touched (on the day of Career Counselling)" and then the first thoughts of my day while I was waking up were of you and I kissing. Such a nice way of starting the first day of the year, ne? :) Well, I do not really have much to say. I just wanted to thank you for calling the day before yesterday. You helped me just when I needed you even without knowing it.  
>P.S.I used the word 'love' a lot in the previous Texts. I do not use it very often. But I thought that it expresses me right and so I should use it while I still can.<br>Heil Fuhrer

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><p>6:07am 16th January 2011<br>Hey, Good morning.  
>I did not just wake up. I was working on the cases the whole night. I just feel guilty for all the times I have made you cry, Light. Sorry does not really do anything. But I am sorry. I just saw this girl cry on a television show. So it just made me think about a lot of things. You know I think that I say a lot of things. A lot of these things turn out to be right. At the point of time when I say these things either to people or to myself, I do not really try going deep finding the reasons. I just kind of feel they are right. And when the right time and circumstances come along I am faced with the reasons that satisfy my brain. All this may sound weird. But I figured there is just you, that I can share it with. By the way I am a weirdo after all. At this point of time I just cannot stop saying I love you to you in my head. I do not know how to express myself but I just guess I feel like I love you so very much. Relating to the earlier "feeling right about things" thing, I guess I am not that scientific after all. I am as much of a believer as I am a non-believer. It is like being as much of an orthodox as an atheist. I do not like being led by only that right feeling or only reasons. I like to have both of them in the due course of time. When I think of you, keeping the earlier stuff in mind, I just realized that I have both of them. I am sorry but I just feel like saying I love you again and when I say that I love you I mean it in the entire 3 ways okay? I am really lucky to have been able to know you so well, understand you. There are like so many things about you which I completely love. All this would not have been possible without your consent. So thank you. On Wednesday when you were playing with your lips with your fingers while reading the newspaper, I felt like kissing you. Well considering the fact that we won't ever be together, there are not really many chances that we ever kiss. But hey, it is nice thinking about kissing you. (Career Counselling's flashing in my head).Thank you for that kiss on the neck. It is the most wonderful thing I have I ever felt on my neck. You know I also got this picture from Sayu and I really must thank her. So now there are like two pictures. I think that in that picture you look completely adorable with those two ponytails and your cute scowl at seven years of age, at the camera. And then in the other excursion pic you look completely gorgeous because you are looking into the camera with deep thought in your big eyes and your hair is coming on your face and under your ear and also covers a part of your neck. Picture 1 to Picture 2 is something like Cutie to Beauty. There was this time on the day of Career Counselling when I thought you looked pretty hot because of the way your hair was parted and gelled to perfection. And the way you wore your bag. Now that is not a word I use very often but I am just speaking my mind. By the way every night before going to sleep I say "Good night and I love you" to you in my head.<br>P.S. I love you  
>P.P.S. I hope I could play Halo: Reach or Splinter Cell: Conviction with you on Xbox Screen Split.<br>P.P.P.S. I am leaving by the twelve o'clock flight…I hope to see you once before I leave.

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><p>"<em>You came Light-kun…"<em>

"_Of course I did you idiot, you think I would let you go to England without seeing me? " Light smirked and before L could respond, He crashed his lips against L._

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><p><em>you kiss me<br>and slowly trail your hand from my cheek to my shoulder  
>and trail it down my arms and hands<br>you circle my wrist with your hand and use to pull me on top of you  
>all the while without breaking the kiss<br>it is slow, sensual and the way I like it  
>your hands are my waist now…cupping the sides<br>and I sit up with my knees on either side of your waist  
>and slowly unbutton your white shirt<br>you gasp  
>and you are surprised<br>but I have this haunted look on my face  
>so you stop and ask me if I really want to do this…while caressing my cheek with your hands and I nod<br>you give me a sweet kiss on the lips and run your hands through my hair  
>the kiss gets a little heated and I moan so you take control now and turn us over so that I am pinned under you<br>the sunshine is streaming into the room  
>and we can smell the fresh smell of roses from my garden<br>from the open window  
>there are thin beads of sweat on your forehead and mine<br>and you fumble with the buttons on my shirt  
>with some effort you manage to pull it off<br>we both pause to look each other in the eyes and I see nothing but pure adoration in your eyes  
>so that gives me the confidence to carry on, we feel each other and get lost in the passion<br>and we lose ourselves in the heat of the day and our bodies  
>You lay small butterfly kisses on my head, neck, throat, nipping and biting and then running your tongue over the sensitive skin to soothe the sting<br>I moan and that turns you on to carry even further  
>you go lower, kissing my stomach and rubbing soothing circles on the side of my waist<br>your hands trail down to my thighs and you take my thigh and wrap it around your waist  
>it is like we are worshipping my body<br>and you whisper in my ears, sweet nothings_

_Light-kun, Light-kun, Light-kun you mumble  
>while biting my ear gently now and then<br>when we finally do it, it is like a whirlwind of emotions, heat, passion, love, lust, adrenaline coursing through our bodies  
>there is pain, but so much more pleasure, heat and goose bumps<br>and frenzy yet a certain type of calm prevails over us  
>my eyes closed to feel every bit of the emotion I can<br>there is calmness in our minds even when our bodies are still brimming with heat because this feels right, this feels amazing  
>and we just somehow know that this was meant to be.<em>

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><p><em>L got up and quietly got dressed, taking one last look at his sleeping lover. Placing a final kiss against his temple, bathed in golden light, Lawliet walked out of the room to become what the world recognise him as. L.<em>

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><p>I would like to thank Ethan, for inspiring this one, and his kind reviews, my co-author and KennedyHarlow for all their support. You guys mean a lot to me :)<p>

Any, wow, I am astounded by the number of hits I get for this story. Thank you all of you! and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! This is my first attempt at a lemon. So please be sure to tell me how I faired..Good? Bad? Sucked? Also, thanks to Blaise88100 for taking time and helping me with this lemon! I love you guys :)

Kindly review~!


	6. Chapter 6

When Light woke up, he was back in his usual cell, a white burning hell in the enclosed space of twenty by twelve feet. His wrist was in a cast and the pain of the iron handcuffs digging into him was slowly fading, because he was slowly getting used to it. It was this constant unmoving atmosphere that got to Light. Nothing ever changed, the water leaked from the ceiling, the silent drip drip drip against the floor, the clock chiming in the distance, Light no longer counted how many times the noise rang in his head, coupled with the pounding of his pulse in his head that made him feel as every part of him weighed a ton.

Moving required effort which he didn't have the energy for and his eyes burned. Damn, L and all his mightiness. He had been fooling around for too long and Light was left with an endless stream of reasons that were his guesses. Just what the hell did L want? He turned his head, trying to get as comfortable as he could and his eyes fell on the stacks of sheet placed near his feet, near the bottles of water. It was mineral water, a far improvement from his normal supply. There were also medicines and when Light checked the back, having twisted this way and that around his shackles, he found them to be the routine painkillers. For his wrist, presumably, or his head, one could never tell with L. Disregarding the painkillers, he gingerly picked up the neat stack of paper, yellowed in the edges, but otherwise, fine, and glanced through. It appeared to be correspondence of some sort even though certain words were blotted and scratched through beyond recognition. Light turned the paper over, but even from back he could not make out the word. With a sigh, he sat up, his vision swimming for a few minutes, and he placed his head between his knees till he was stable enough.

With nothing better to do, Light smirked at the cruel joke, he read the first letter.

L stood behind the one way glass, watching Light. His hands were buried deep in his pockets, his back in its perpetual hunch and slouch. His eyes were a fierce intensity, his stomach churning and tying into knots, when Light picked up the letters. He let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding and faced the only other occupant of the room, who was laughing with the usual hyuk, hyuk, like sandpaper, or something being dragged over gravel. It grated L's nerves. And L had to admire Light for having tolerated the supernatural presence with so much as a twitch on his face. It was commendable, really.

Ryuk glanced at the two men in front of him. Both insane and power hungry, but hiding under a mask of justice. Ryuk was curious as to what L might have been like as a child. What Light was like as a child.  
>Ryuk had seen children before; some of his previous Death Note owners had had children. And he had seen that amidst all of the blood shed of others and themselves, their children became the light of their life. One had even told him that her children were the only pieces of innocence she had left.<br>Had they ever been innocent?

Ryuk looked at Light whose face was all sharp angles and thoughts of how to manipulate a person best. Whose eyes contained madness and whose face now seemed confused and intrigued as he read those papers. And then there was L. 

L whose face showed no expression, who ate like a child and spoke like an old man. No, he decided. None of them had ever been innocent. They couldn't have been. 

And he laughed.


End file.
